when i think happy i dont think sunny days, i never have,
and when people ask me what makes me happy I can’t help but think of your 12:30 am phone calls,
I can’t sleep, do you wanna go catch a movie? you ask,
late night car rides, driving too fast, stopping at red lights only to kiss,
windows open and cold air, stinging my face like little bees,
smiling at you from the passenger seat until you notice the way I can’t stop staring,
that moment seduces me the way no touch ever could.
so if someone asks me what happiness feels like,
I’d tell them it feels like home,
it feels like perfect lighting and a good book,
it feels warm in my belly like hot chocolate that’s not hot enough to burn my tongue,
happiness feels like raindrops on my cheeks, like honey in my tea, like waking up at 3am and listening to the silence of the highway,
knowing that maybe you’re doing the same thing in your bed,
happiness feels like you.
when i think happy i think, that time we got caught in the rain,
t shirts stuck to our skin like paper mâché,
do you remember how we laughed?
when i think happy i think laughing with you,
i think of the way we laughed so hard i swear i felt our bellies smile at one another,
the way we swallowed our tears whole,
isn’t it funny how they only taste salty when we’re sad?
when i think happy i think sleepovers,
the way you wake up in the night and kiss me as if it weren’t even something you think about,
like rolling over, or scratching your arm, or flipping your pillow,
you leave kisses on my body like clockwork,
how fond I’ve become of your ticking.